If one comment can ruin your whole day... This is why

Explaining RSD to someone who doesn't have it is almost impossible.

I mean, sure you can say "I feel emotional pain just like a physical pain".

Or "I'm really sensitive to what other people think of me".

Or even, "I just never feel that people get me, they don't understand me, or even really like me".

Because that is how it feel's.

But none of this really comes close to the depth of it.

None of that comes close to describing what's really going on underneath the surface because we get absolutely fantastic at hiding it.

For a long time, I didn't have a clue how to say how I felt, and in all honesty, I actually thought everyone felt like this.

That didn't help though, because I still found myself lacking. I still thought I had missing information that was crucial to navigating life, because I couldn't understand how other people not only managed to function...

Somehow they thrived.

What was I missing?

I don't think it was until I was in my early 20's that I noticed how much my mind dwelled on things. Still unsure what direction I wanted to take, in a toxic relationship and pregnant, when someone, just a neighbour, no-one who really knew me made a comment, "you've messed up your whole life".

That one small comment was enough to send my mind off, searching for answers as to why I'd ruined my whole life, and it found them.

The answers it always found when questioned, no matter what form the question took.

Of course I'd ruined my life, because:

I was stupid

I was thick

I was useless

I was worthless

That I wasn't good at anything.

And this is why it matters.

Because when I started my business, I was so excited.

But I could never really allow myself to feel that excitement.

I couldn't trust the vision I had for the future.

Because I was filled with so much fear, that was fuelled continuously by all these thoughts.

That's how RSD shapes everything.

Because when you're rejection sensitive it's never just about a comment.

Let's be honest, half the time there hasn't even been a comment, or disapproving look, or a sigh of frustration, not in the moment.

But you've got years and years of past comments living inside you, and your body remembers them, so even if your brain doesn't remember every one, it remembers the feelings created when you heard them and it remembers what you've made them mean about you.

So of course, whenever you're in a situation that's open to other people's interpretation, your body floods with emotions, and your brain pulls everything out to answer the questions you don't even know you're asking:

How will I be seen?

How will people react?

What will people say?

and the answers are always the same-

Stupid

Useless,

Too much.

Not enough.

And let's not forget how your brain gives you it's own question, but not as a question, more as a statement:

Who do you think you are.

So there you are, right back there again.

Feeling everything.

Believing everything.

As if it's happening now.

That's where the spiral starts. Not after you share, post, promote.

But before it.

In the planning.

The anticipation.

In the imagining.

You're body prepares for what might be coming and your brain say's "hey, remember last time".

So you hesitate, avoid, procrastinate, freeze.

You just don't do it.

Not because you're lazy, unmotivated, or don't care.

But because your nervous system is treating the idea of you being seen as danger.

Leaving you desperately wanting to move forward, wondering why the hell you're like this. Why you can't just function like everybody else.

Which only fuels the spiral so you feel overwhelmed.

The turning point question

Things really begin to shift when you stop asking

"Why am I like this?"

And start asking

"What am I making this mean about me?"

Because that's the root of the spiral.

It's not the words or the tone.

It's the meaning you perceive underneath them.

A small reset when it hits

When you feel it happening...

Feet on the floor.

Slow breath in to the count of 4

Exhale to the count of 8.

Repeat this until you feel calmer.

Ask yourself...

"What did my body learn rejection meant?"

This pause won't erase the feeling, but it can stop it from ruining your whole day.

Coming back to you

If one comment can ruin your whole day...

It's not because there's anything wrong with you.

It's because your whole system has learned to react to possible rejection as a threat to your life.

That's workable.

It's something we can untangle.

Slowly. Properly. With safety.

What next

I'd love to know your thoughts.

Just hit my email below and make your subject reply. I read every message.

[email protected]

I've created a free space for women who live with this stuff.

RSD. Overthinking. The constant scanning.

If you want to be in a room where it actually makes sense, come join us in The Wild Threads Collective.https://www.facebook.com/groups/1640947450580245/